What a dream assignment! The CPL World Tour. Who would have predicted that we would go from two bars hitting a ball back and forth on a black and white screen to THIS. Gamers all over the world flying around the globe to compete for a million dollars. A whole industry of products made just for this community. Pro gamers with sponsorship contracts who get paid to teach lessons. Traveling entourages that rivals that of P.Diddy, complete with coaches, managers, publicists and photographers. An international fan base that follows the sport on dedicated cable networks and websites. Wow...I can't wait to meet gamers from around the world and show them just what I can do!

So I was told that it might be a bit tricky to get past Turkish customs. Well "a bit tricky" was the understatement of the century. I've been sitting here all week, just waiting to get into Istanbul. Waiting. And waiting. Man, even old New York didn't take this long, and they were once New Amsterdam!

Anyway, when I finally got to face customs, they stripped me down and spent the next hour fondling with my components. Apparently they've never seen anything like me before. Yes, I said...meet "the twins." Dual, double-fistin' 6800 Ultras. They unlatched my babies and started checking them out. Then one of the guys over the walkie talkie called into the room a bunch more guys just like him. The last guy who walked into the room, gasped and pointed at me. Yes, I thought, that would be my SLI-Ready nForce4 mobo. Helloooo, like no one has ever seen two x16 PCI Express slots before? Geeeeez.

Anyway, when I finally got to face customs, they stripped me down and spent the next hour fondling my components. Apparently they've never seen anything like me before. They took off my top, and I was more than happy to show them "the twins". Dual, double-fistin' 6800 Ultras. They unlatched my babies and started feeling them up. Then one of the guys called several more into the room, and they all just stared at me in awe. Yes, I thought, that would be my SLI-Ready nForce4 mobo. Helloooo, like no one has ever seen two x16 PCI Express slots before? Geeeeez. I think they were just shocked at the sheer amount of silicon involved. Hey, this is as "all natural" as I get, ok?

It was then that flashes of "Midnight Express" started playing back in my RAM. I started getting worried - was my paperwork in order? Was I too powerful for them? What are they getting so excited and animated about??? Fortunately, it was much ado about nothing and they put me back together and sent me on my way.

I was so happy to finally get into Istanbul. But as soon as I got to my hotel, they wanted to whisk me away up to my room like some big rock star. I guess I can't really blame them...I mean, I do rock. But before I could object, a girl showed up and took me up to her room. I didn't even have to buy her a drink! Well hellloooooooo nurse.

While it's nice to get such star treatment, I was still a little traumatized by the whole incident at customs, so what I really wanted to do was just chill. No such luck - instead of letting me relax, this girl played with me the whole night! Granted, I wasn't worried at all about how I could perform, but you would think she could give me a break right before thousands of gamers got their hands on me the next day.

Just when I thought she was done with one game, she would load up another...and then another...and then another. Maybe she heard the rumor that I was scaling up to 2x performance on over 60 games. All I could think was, honey, I got driver 71.84. Keep tryin' to play me baby - I can last all night. You'll be playing games up to next year if you want to try all of them out. In truth, I had outlasted her when the night was through - she was asleep on the bed while I had barely broken a sweat. Now that's what I call a successful benchmark!!